Off With His Floaties!

 Growing up, I experienced two very different types of parenting: compassionate parenting, and compassionate yet detached parenting (essentially tough love). My parents were usually working during my days at home, and I was a pretty well behaved child, so the majority of love I received from them was of the compassionate type. I seldom talked back or didn’t accomplish what they asked of me. For the most part, they would be supportive and interested in what I was doing and would from often tell me how proud they were of me. Due to the fact that I rarely did anything out of line, I was hardly ever disciplined. The only times I think I was ever yelled at was when my room became excessively messy. Like Siddhartha and his son, they did not “force [me], beat [me], and give [me] orders.”[1] I would definitely say that my parents did not give me that much tough love. 

MY PARENTS WERE ALWAYS VERY KIND AND NICE TO ME...

However, my older brothers were a different story.

            When it came to the relationship I had with my brothers (who are 9 and 10 years older than I am), they didn’t really care that my close pin was always in the green region at school, that I had perfect attendance, or that I always did what I was told. They were more concerned about the level of toughness (a very low level) I displayed, which was probably a result of all the compassion I had been receiving from my parents for so long. 

...BUT MY BROTHERS HELPED TOUGHEN ME UP.

My parents “shackled [me] with [their] love.”[2]When I was a kid, I cried a lot, often because I was scared of something and I knew that if I cried I could run to my mom and she would protect me. I cried if I thought I would have to go swimming without my floaties on. I cried at the mere thought of getting on a roller coaster. I cried when the training wheels were taken off my bike. I cried when I heard about a tornado warning on the news. I cried when I watched a scary movie. I cried when I played—and usually failed—at sports. 

I NEVER WANTED TO GO SWIMMING WITHOUT MY FLOATIES ON, AND MY PARENTS NEVER FORCED ME TO TAKE THEM OFF.

Yet every time I cried my parents were there to comfort me, to let me know that everything was going to be okay. However, my brothers soon got tired of this act, for they didn’t want to have a pansy as a younger brother, and decided to put me through “tough training.” They understood that I “would [not] be spared because [my parents] love [me] and want to keep [me] form suffering pain, and disappointment.”[3] Since they babysat me so much as a young kid, they both acted as a set of second parents, and they specialized in compassion with detachment. They would take me to the pool and force me to swim without my floaties. They would dress up and scare the bejesus out of me about once a week. They would force me to wrestle with them, and wouldn’t let up no matter how much I screamed. They refused to put my training wheels back on no matter how much I begged them. I hated them at the time for forcing me to endure these things, when all I wanted to do was go cry to my mom—but I couldn’t. They wouldn’t allow it. My brothers knew what they were doing was in my best interest. Like Siddhartha, they “waited for a long time—many [years]—to see [their brother] understand [them], accept [their] love, or perhaps reciprocate it.” [4] And when I finally did understand the reason for their actions (I was about 12) I realized that it was the most loving, beneficial thing that anyone has ever done for me.

            I simply don’t want to imagine the type of person I would have been had my brothers not intervened. 

WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT MY BROTHERS' INFLUENCE: A PANSY.

I know I wouldn’t have played sports and I probably would have been a socially awkward whiner, not to mention a crybaby. Without their emphasis on toughness, there is no way that I would have been able to withstand some of the things I went through in high school. I certainly wouldn’t have been able to make it here at UT. Their tough love made gave me confidence, a sense of competitiveness, and helped me become more of a man. This for of compassion truly helped shape who I am today.

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[1] Herman Hesse, Siddhartha, 111

[2] Herman Hesse, Siddhartha, 111

[3] Herman Hesse, Siddhartha, 113

[4] Herman Hesse, Siddhartha, 110